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People interact with other individuals frequently—whether doing so occurs at home, at work, at the store, in social settings, or in a variety of other situations—and, therefore, come across many moments in which they have opportunities to choose how they are going to respond to certain circumstances and how they are going to treat those around them. Countless studies have discovered that compassion is one of the most powerful agents for a person’s overall health and well-being, both physically and mentally.

It’s important to note that individuals are also able to choose how they treat themselves. According to Harvard Medical School, individuals who are not only compassionate toward others but also practice self-compassion can benefit both their mental and physical health in several ways, as being kind to oneself during challenging times helps reduce anxiety and potential related depression.

“Compassion toward yourself and others tends to create a more positive outlook on life and reduce feelings of sadness, guilt, and loneliness,” Dallas resident and psychologist Kenleigh McMinn said.

And doing so can be rather contagious. Dallas resident Kevin Roberts has noticed this to be true in his own life and said practicing compassion helps people feel better about themselves and also improves their attitudes concerning others.

“I recently offered to return a shopping cart for an elderly lady as I was walking into an Albertsons,” he said. “She smiled and said I was amazing. An extremely simple act made my day, and hopefully it helped hers, as well.”

Connecting with others is an essential part of our lives, and it’s natural to empathize with people when they are experiencing joy and when they are going through pain. When we feel compassion toward the individuals around us, we not only feel empathy but also desire to help them or somehow relieve their suffering. McMinn said it’s important to try to be compassionate in all areas of one’s life.

“This frame of mind can be very beneficial in working against negative self-talk, improving how you interact with other people, and making relationships stronger,” she said.

With compassion, a person is able to feel part of something of a grander scale and even supported in carrying some of life’s heavier emotions and situations. And while compassion can cause an individual to be more understanding, McMinn said she thinks it is crucial to distinguish between compassion and forgiveness, as they are not the same thing.

“Sometimes people think that being compassionate means giving yourself or someone else a ‘clean slate’ or always giving them the benefit of the doubt, even when their words or actions might be harmful,” she said. “There are cases in which it might be more appropriate to have accountability and set boundaries.”

Setting boundaries can be a form of self-compassion, especially when it pertains to relationships that might be unhealthy. For Roberts, it’s helpful to surround himself with individuals who have similar values and behavior when interacting with people.

“I definitely try to associate with those who treat others with respect and compassion,” he said. “I can’t think of any close friend who would be abusive, insensitive, or disrespectful toward waiters or any other service people.”

And Roberts tries to ensure that he consistently models what he believes, especially knowing that there are some impressionable young eyes looking up to him.

“I try to be an example with my grandsons, whether it’s holding the door for someone, paying simple compliments, or just using manners,” he said. “That is very important to me, as I’ve seen the huge benefits for my own well-being and overall health and relationships with others.”

McMinn said she also tries to be an example of someone with great compassion, beginning with herself and her closest relationships.

“If I’m being hard on myself, I do a self-check and ask what I would tell a friend if she was in my situation—would I be this hard on her?” she said. “Often the answer is no, and I try to extend myself the same compassion I would toward someone I care about. I try to show compassion toward other people I encounter, too, keeping in mind that we never fully know what someone else is going through at any moment, and maybe feeling kindness from someone is what that person needs.”

Despite what a nursery rhyme tells you, stars don’t actually twinkle. As the light of a star travels into your realm of vision, atmospheric turbulence causes disturbances in the light’s path and creates the illusion that the star is twinkling.

Though there have been many different forms of societal progression throughout generations, some expectations and traditions of certain norms have remained, at least in some regard. That doesn’t mean there still isn’t some confusion, though. One area of dating that can be unclear at times is who should pay for a date.

Historically, in heterosexual relationships, men have been the ones to pay most often, and research shows that they still pay more often than women, though it is more common now to see split bills. According to a recent NatNews poll, many individuals are in favor of either taking turns paying or splitting the costs, though most indicated the man should pay on the first date. A small percentage of respondents said they were of the more traditional mindset that men should always pay, and one dear reader simply responded with “down with the patriarchy, right?”

Dallas resident Damon Yousefy said chivalry and society expect that the man should pay for the first date, and he believes that’s the norm for the first few.

“If the relationship becomes more serious, then the couple should have an honest conversation about money and finances and what their expectations are in terms of who pays for what,” he said. “In my experience, in a serious relationship in which both parties make about the same, they alternate paying for dates since splitting is not very romantic.”

Dallas resident Elizabeth Cruz said she also thinks the guy should typically pay for the first date, assuming he is the one who asked. After that, she believes that taking turns footing the bill is probably best.

“When things become more serious, and you’re going out more frequently, it should definitely be 50/50,” she said. “I don’t think anyone should get a free ride, in general, so it should eventually even out pretty decently. On special occasions, maybe one person would pay. For example, the birthday person shouldn’t pay on their birthday.”

Similar to Yousefy and Cruz, Dallas resident Alexis Derrow thinks the man should pay at the beginning, though she said she doesn’t necessarily believe an even split is necessary in ensuing dates as the relationship progresses. 

“I think the guy should pay for dates 1–3, and then the woman pays for date 4, and you sort of continue this 2:1 or 3:1 indefinitely,” she said. “However, I personally think the woman should contribute financially in other ways, like buying little presents or treats for the man. In my last relationship, I tried to buy little things that I thought he’d like whenever I saw them. He now has an air fryer cookbook. He may or may not have an air fryer.”

There are certain instances, though, in which Derrow said she doesn’t think one person paying is the way to go.

“I like to split vacation, or at least I don’t think the man has to pay for it,” she said. “I want to travel the way I want to travel, and me paying my way enables me to do that.”

One reason men have been expected to pay more for dates is because they have historically made more money than women. In fact, the gender wage gap is still prevalent today, as women earn, on average, 16 percent less than men, which means only 84 cents for every dollar men in the same jobs make. Cruz said she doesn’t believe that financial differences should mean that one person consistently pays, though.

“If the person who makes significantly more (if that is the case) is choosing very expensive dates, then maybe that person picks up those dates,” she said. “The person who makes less could always pay for dessert if that’s at a different place. Or maybe the less-expensive dates get picked up by the person whose income is less. Ultimately, if both people feel comfortable with what they are doing, that is what matters.”

Yousefy said he also doesn’t believe that differences in financial situations should mean that one person is always pulling out his or her credit card, though he does think it’s important to talk about such matters with one another.

“If there is a substantial difference in income, I think paying for dates should be proportional to the income, regardless of gender,” he said. “Although, it is nice for the lower earner to pay for a birthday meal or cook to show effort. Many relationships fail due to financial issues, and having open and honest discussions about money early on can reduce strain later.”

And people’s perspectives on such matters can also change over time. Derrow said she has dated men who made more than she does and others who made less, and her experiences have led her to a significant conclusion.

“There are no rules,” she said. “It’s just what both parties are comfortable with, and you really just need to talk about it with your partner.”

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Monday, September 9: Mixology Mondays at The Parlor; Joey Valence & Brae at The Cambridge Room at House of Blues Dallas
Tuesday, September 10: Free Rooftop Movie — Grease at Sundown at Granada
Wednesday, September 11: Keane at the Majestic Theatre; Dallasites101 September Speed Dating & Singles Mixer at Over Under
Thursday, September 12: 38th Annual GrapeFest at Historic Downtown Grapevine (continues through Sunday)
Friday, September 13: Dallas Wings vs. Seattle Storm at College Park Center; P!nk Tribute — Just Like P!nk at Legacy Hall
Saturday, September 14: WRRC Saturday run from Taco Joint; DogFest DFW at Community Beer Co.; 30th Anniversary Foodie Stroll at Central Market; Serve & Social at Elmwood Farm
Sunday, September 15: Hispanic Heritage Celebration at the Dallas Arboretum (also on Saturday)