In 2001, Pam and Bill Farrel released their book Men Are Like Waffles—Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences, which expands upon the theory that men are more likely to compartmentalize their lives and focus on one thing at a time, while women tend to think and live more like spaghetti noodles flowing together, with every noodle touching every other noodle and going all over the place.
While men and women shouldn’t be categorized and stereotyped, it is true that the two are mostly wired quite differently. And certainly not all individuals fit the molds of waffles and spaghetti, but some do help prove the theory.
“I mainly focus on one thing at a time because I’m terrible at focusing on multiple things,” Dallas-area resident Adrian Acevedo said. “I think it’s too chaotic to focus on multiple things because you start to lose focus on the main task.”
People who live the waffle life are more apt to go to work and focus solely on work, regardless of other situations that might be going on in their lives. They don’t let as many things distract them and might not even spend much time scrolling on their phones or texting, as those are not work-related tasks. Tara Janke, who lives in the San Diego area, said she does not relate to the waffle style, though she can see how it can be beneficial sometimes.
“I can generally focus on multiple things at once, but I should probably start trying to focus on one thing at a time,” she said. “But as a parent, that is easier said than done.”
Also aligning with the waffles and spaghetti theory is Dallas-area resident Stephanie Hone, who has mastered the art of embracing chaos.
“What’s it like to do one thing at a time?” she said. “After teaching middle school English for 10 years and now working as an insurance broker, I feel like I’m working on multiple projects at once—even in life. I don’t know if I have ever done one thing at a time.”
Dallas resident Drew Mbiam, however, likes to be different and prove that men can be like spaghetti, too. He said he prefers to work on multiple tasks at once rather than move from one waffle square to the next.
“The chaos makes me feel more productive because I’m taking care of a bunch of little things instead of working my way through a larger task that I’m solely focused on,” he said.
Mbiam also doesn’t fully support the notion that a certain way of thinking, acting, or living is specific to men and women.
“Everyone has the capacity to function in chaos or work in peace,” he said. “It’s a matter of preference.”
Like Mbiam, Acevedo said he thinks the way people process and function isn’t solely related to whether they are male or female, though he admits that it could certainly be a factor.
“Men and women may be wired differently, but I believe it’s based on the personality traits someone may have,” he said. “If you’re organized and detailed, you probably only want to do one thing at a time. But women can be way better at handling multiple things at the same time—like putting makeup on in the car while driving while talking on the phone.”
Multitasking can certainly be an art that doesn’t come as naturally to some people as it does to others. Janke said she absolutely believes that men and women were created quite differently in how their minds work and how they approach tasks they need to complete.
“Men definitely tend to focus on one thing at a time,” she said. “I think women are ‘programmed’ to be better at multitasking since we tend to take care of the household and our families.”
While living life in one box at a time doesn’t pertain to all men all of the time, the idea resonates with many individuals. Hone said she can’t necessarily speak for all men and women, but in her own life, she has seen the waffles and spaghetti analogy to be rather accurate.
“I’m not sure about all men and women, but in our household, yes,” she said. “My husband needs to focus on one thing at a time, and most men I have worked with seem to do better with smaller task lists. That’s just my experience.”
Like many other facets in life, the different ways people think and their capacities to focus on one or many things at once can significantly impact their relationships. Mbiam said the result of two partners operating in different ways can lead to friction.
“Little things seem bigger because the way people function is so ingrained into them, and it’s not necessarily gender-specific programming,” he said.
One purpose of the Farrels’ book is not simply to bring attention to the different ways men and women think and process information and approach various aspects of life but also to help them better understand one another in order to have healthy and lasting relationships. For Janke, one key is making sure that each person is open with the other.
“I think we just have to be good at communicating and understanding the strengths of the people in our lives,” she said. “If not, those differences can get frustrating.”
Whether you’re more of a waffle person or more like spaghetti matters less than being able to acknowledge and accept one another’s differences, knowing that your way is not always everyone else’s way.
“Those whose minds can’t stop and are always moving (one like mine) sometimes have trouble understanding people whose minds have a solitary focus,” Hone said. “We need both types of people to balance the other out. I need my husband to help me slow down, and he needs me to help him speed up because Lord knows that man moves slower than anyone I have ever met—and he knows I’m telling you this.”
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