Many individuals have various fears in life, some of which are thought to be irrational and others that make more sense to people. One anxiety that can be rather common is the thought of being rejected, whether it comes in romantic relationships, in one’s career, within family or friendships, or elsewhere.
According to research conducted by NatNews, among those individuals who participated in a recent online survey, 38 percent fear rejection, 16 percent are not particularly bothered by it, and 46 percent are sometimes fearful of rejection, but it’s contingent upon various factors of the situation in which the rejection might occur.
Dallas resident and psychologist Kenleigh McMinn said one reason that rejection can be so painful is because it can often feel quite personal.
“No one enjoys being rejected,” she said. “Rejection tends to hit hardest when we interpret it as meaning that we are not good, smart, pretty, fun, etc. enough, rather than seeing it as meaning that we are just not the right fit for something or someone. Whether it is a job or a relationship, the more personally we take rejection, the harder it is.”
Dallas-area resident Diane Shaw, a student at the University of Oklahoma, said she fears rejection most often in regard to romantic relationships because of how open, trusting, and emotional a person can become with another individual in such a situation.
“Putting yourself in a position where you could be rejected is very vulnerable,” she said. “So, if you do get rejected, it’s so embarrassing.”
Because of the significant amount of vulnerability involved and the unknown outcomes in those moments, Shaw typically opts not to take risks in that regard.
“I usually just avoid putting myself in situations where I could be rejected,” she said. “I’d rather miss out on something than feel embarrassed.”
There is also a risk of rejection one must often face in his or her career path. Whether it’s in seeking a job through the seemingly endless application and interview process or within one’s already existing career, there is the potential for a person to be turned down.
“I fear rejection in professional settings because it’s difficult to ask for new business and can be awkward,” Dallas resident Damon Yousefy said.
While Yousefy is willing to step out of his comfort zones and isn’t always afraid that he will face rejection, he certainly experiences such fears at times during his career. However, he knows that it’s a possibility and makes concerted efforts to be successful but also to prepare himself if he doesn’t achieve his desired results.
“I think about how it’s a numbers game and that in my line of work (corporate bankruptcy law), repeat business is rare, so new clients are the only way to hit my goals,” he said. “So, I approach the situation with that mindset and approach troubled companies knowing that they’ll either hire me or one of my competitors.”
It’s quite likely that a person will face rejection at least once in his or her lifetime. Some people might feel like they face it more often than others, or they may believe that being turned down is the only likely outcome they will have in certain situations. Even if rejection does occur, McMinn said it’s important to remember that being told “no” or finding yourself with unfavorable results should not change the way you see yourself.
“The best ways to move past rejection are to try to view the situation objectively and minimize self-judgment,” she said. “Try not to tie it to your self-worth, and keep in mind going into situations in which rejection could happen (e.g., job interview or date) that it might not work out, but that does not mean there is something wrong with you.”
Not everyone experiences fears or anxieties when it comes to the idea of being rejected, though. Dallas resident Amara Saucedo has learned from past experiences that rejection is simply a part of life, and the less people focus on it, the easier it is to overcome.
“I moved around a lot growing up, and that taught me an important lesson: not everyone is going to vibe with you, and you’re not going to vibe with everyone—and that’s OK,” she said. “It’s human nature to feel a certain way about rejection, but I’ve learned not to dwell on it.”
As many individuals have discovered, not every job is supposed to work out, not every relationship is meant to happen, and not all of the hopes and wishes that people have become realities. However, as Yousefy pointed out, there are often considerations people don’t acknowledge when they think about having to sit in their feelings of hurt that often result from being rejected.
“People fear rejection because it feels like a judgment made by others that we are not good enough,” he said. “I think we make it seem like a black-and-white choice without taking into account contextual factors, such as clients having existing service providers or potential dating partners simply having different preferences.”
Like Yousefy, Saucedo believes that people fear rejection because it does feel so personal, but she said she thinks that it’s important to remember that everyone is on his or her own unique path.
“What isn’t meant for you will make way for what is,” she said. “Instead of overthinking, focus on moving forward, even when the days are tough. Keep going, and trust that better opportunities will come.”
Life is filled with situations that allow you to take chances, and it can feel scary to try to be bold and do something or say something that could result in you not getting what you want. McMinn said though those moments can often be emotionally painful, they don’t have to have the power to create lasting negativity.
“If you feel hurt after a rejection, know that your feelings are valid,” she said. “Rejection sucks. But remember that it does not define you. It might be helpful to think about times that you have had an accomplishment or talk to a friend or family member who can build you back up.”
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The NatNews staff and some dear readers recently enjoyed a lovely Christmas party together